Squashing Anxious Thoughts in 3 Simple Steps
Having dealt with anxiety for most of my life, I knew that I wanted to help those that are experiencing the same symptoms that I once felt- the racing thoughts, the ever-present sense of dread, feeling like no matter how hard I worked, I was never going to get ahead, and that what I was actually accomplishing was insignificant and never going to be good enough.
Note: What I’ve written in this post isn’t a blueprint for beating depression or anxiety, so certainly do not take it as such. I am not a therapist, a trained counselor, or any kind of medical expert in the slightest. This is simply what my experience has been and how I, personally, work everyday to overcome this vicious cycle. Take from it whatever you like.
What made me want to get out of this endless cycle is the realization that these thoughts had bled all of the color out of the world for me. In fact, that it didn’t take long before I started to have a really hard time finding joy in each day. And pretty soon, I realized how much I was missing out on. I was constantly sapped of the energy to do anything past the point of basic survival. And what’s worse is, I just thought this was how life was supposed to be! Everybody was just supposed to fight their way through the rat race. You wade through the mud, try to come out with a little something at the end, and that’s the best you could hope for. Not a very uplifting outlook, was it?
If this sounds familiar to you, I first want to tell you the the good news! That, no. Life is not meant to be just one big schlog. We aren’t here to just work, pay bills, and die. Not to sound trite, but life really is a gift, but it’s up to us to accept it. However, that’s a hard thing to do if you are struggling with any of the things that I just described here. So let me help you to recognize these perpetual thought patterns that need to be reversed, and then help you establish new ones.
See, what I had lead myself to believe throughout my battle with anxiety is that the more that I ruminated over, obsessed about, or analyzed to death the challenges that daily life brought to me, the more paralyzed and miserable I became. It was never about finding solutions, like my thoughts were trying to make me believe I was doing. It was more about trying to make the discomfort of those challenges feel less uncomfortable by just thinking about them.
What I realized I was doing was, instead of thinking something like, “I have to have this unpleasant conversation with someone today, so I need to think about what I’m going to say so that they can understand that I truly am trying to help them. Then I can work with them to find a resolution to this problem,” I would be stuck on thinking something like, “Oh, man, this is going to be horrible! I wish I didn’t have to do this! I wish I didn’t have to feel this way! I don’t want them to hate me. I don’t want to have to have this problem. I just want it to go away. I hate it when I have to do things that are so uncomfortable!” And I would be thinking these things over and over and over again, believing that the more that I thought them, the less I would have to feel them. But that was never the case. It always just made me more miserable. (Even writing this now, I am getting that all-too-familiar knot in my stomach!)
Anxiety likes to make us believe that what it’s feeding us is the truth. That the world is just one big headache. That we have to constantly be on the defensive and stay in survival mode because you just never know what’s going to happen. Because, we don’t. Right?
Well, while we don’t have a crystal ball and can’t predict the future, we can change our focus. It’s okay to be aware of potential problems or hazards that might come about in our lives. That’s part of being an adult. It would be ridiculous to say that we should just revert back to the innocent oblivion of early childhood, and suddenly drop everything we’ve learned about what can cause us potential harm. But the difference between living in that state of hyper-awareness and becoming a successful problem-solver or challenge-tackler is developing the skill of maintaining objectivity.
How you do that is by asking yourself a few questions when you’re feeling anxious:
1. Are the problems that you’re having truly life-threatening, or are they really just very inconvenient?
2.What do you have at your fingertips right now that can help you to work through the most pressing problem at this very moment? What pro-active step can you take right now to cease or lessen the problem that’s on your mind? (You can make a quick list of these things so you don’t have to think of them later, if you would like. But don’t linger on this too long. The idea is to become pro-active. Not to get stuck thinking about being pro-active.)
3.Are the feelings that you’re having making the problem feel bigger than it is? In other words, is the anticipation of having to handle something the culprit for your anxiety? And not really the actual task at hand?
4.How will handling this problem make you feel once you’ve solved it? Relieved? Accomplished? Proud? So, why put off getting this reward any longer?
These questions can help you reframe what you’re feeling when thinking about whatever problems you are faced with.
But there is another skill that can help you to overcome these anxious feelings. It’s called mindfullness.
When exercising mindfullness, it means that you are mentally focused on what you’re doing at that very moment. And those little nagging thoughts are being pushed to the background so that you can fully focus on what you’re doing. So, for example, let’s say instead of focusing on how much you hate doing housework, how there never seems to be an end to it, and it’s all just such a struggle because you’d rather be doing anything else but that at the moment, you instead focus on…polishing the bathroom mirror? You notice the smell of the glass cleaner. You pay attention to the softness of the cloth in your hand. You smile at the thought of removing each spot or splatter. And then? You move on to the sink, or the toilet, or the tub, taking notice of every motion using your senses as you go, immersing yourself in the act of completing each task. Then? Before you know it? You’re done. And, better yet? You’re relaxed. And ready to move on to the next problem to tackle.
Sure, you might still have a long way to go. Your house may feel like it’s still in a total state of disarray. But that doesn’t matter. Why? Because you are focused. You’re being mindful. And pro-active. And the next task is what’s most important for you to do right now.
I know, I know. Anxiety is probably causing you to doubt how well this works. (Been there!) But remember what I said before? That anxiety likes to make you believe that what it’s telling you is reality. That everything has to be done all at once, and if you’re not in flurry of frantic activity, then you’re not accomplishing anything. But the actual reality isthat anxiety is a liar. And it makes life miserable. So, instead, opt to give yourself a break. Because there will always be a lot to do. That’s life! And no amount of rumination or obsession over any problem, and how it’s making you feel, is going to help you solve it. What will help it, though, is to quiet those nagging, anxious thoughts by:
- Reframing the problem by asking yourself questions that will shift your perspective.
- Focusing only on the first task at hand and allowing all other thoughts to move to the background.
- Fully immersing yourself in each task as you complete it by being mindful of each action, and using your senses to stay present and focused.
By practicing these steps, you will find that your mind will actually become quite content with completing one task at a time. You sense of accomplishment, and, more importantly, you peace of mind will swiftly expand. And that’s essential to finding your Full Life Bliss.
